let go

 why is it difficult to let go ? well, letting go is considered to be a loss so i understand that but some people such as yours truly tend to hang on into even painful things! why is that? why is it so hard to let go of what hurts us the most? why do we prefer to live in pain rather than let go of it ?

well when you let go, two things might happen. you either live in pain because of your loss or you become happier because of whatever you gain ( peace of mind or a better partner or whatever )
 if happiness was a possible consequence, why is it still hard to do it ?
i think its because fear is a stronger emotion thus a stronger reinforce. AND because people are taking happiness for granted nowdays ..
let me break this down for you. i think people think of'  happy' as the default mode. like happiness is what the baseline should be but when you are sad, your psych has lost its equilibrium .

in reality ,moments of happiness pass by too quickly and never cherished until its gone. we tend to take it for granted. but once we are sad, the panic alarm goes off .. you are now aware of your negative feelings and you dwell on them.
i think its because you are actually MORE MINDFUL of your negative state thus you end up getting to know these negative emotions like fear or anger more than positive emotions.
 if i ask you to describe a situation that made you sad? i bet you will be able to tell me how exactly you felt, how weak your body felt and how hard it was for you to breathe, you will be able to tell me how your sleep was not restful and how heavy your soul felt.
but if i tell you to describe me a happy state, you prolly wont be able to provide as much details as your negative emotion and the reason is, that you probably paid more attention to how you felt when you were low. so you know your negative emotions better and you know how capable they are of messing your life thus you are afraid of being in that state again .
 the fact that u cant recall positive feelings as good as the negative, makes you underestimate the impact it had on your life .. you hardly remember how you slept when you were happy or how productive you were or how relaxed and peaceful you were back then so you dont know it as much as negative state . so logically, negative emotions will be a stronger driving force than positive.

what im trying to say is .. when we think about letting go and even when we consider the positive experience that we might get as a result of it, fear is still the dominant force .. we are afraid of the consequences .. we are afraid of loneliness, of misery, of pain, because we know these states very well.

there is also the fear of uncertainty .. we all are afraid of the unknown . so fear drives us to hang on into these relationships .. although they are painful but we are afraid of what might happen as a result, which could be more pain !! and we know better than to ask more of that pain.

BUT IF YOU REALY think about it .. there is no uncertainty in letting go .. you can pretty much predict what will happen after letting go .. it all has one ultimate end result .. :

 ex:
- ideally: 
letting go of a toxic relationship --> peace of mind --->  happier and more positive --> attraction of other happy positive people --> replacing the toxic relationship with a loving trustful relationship

- the more naturalistic way: 
letting go of toxic relationship -->; withdrawal pain --> doubts/regrets --> relapse back into the toxic relationship ( which we dont want )
 or
 letting go of toxic relationship -->; withdrawal pain --> push through it and remind yourself why you shouldnt be there --> withdrawal gets less with time --> less doubts -->  more confidence --> meeting other people and replacing the toxic relationship with a healthier relationship

 this is the only way this can go .. prolly the only variable would be the meeting people part .. and this is the part that might seem to be the  scariest yet, its the part which we have most control of !! depending on how daring you are, u could meet people quickly or slowly ..
sometimes you can  fool urself into staying loyal and not meeting others , until you see yourself being replaced and lets hope that would be a trigger for you to let go!!!  or you can go ahead and try to meet others and remind yourself that it takes time to connect and you got all the time in the world and all the ppl in the world.!!
after every relationship, you end up writing a list of shoulds and shouldnts , things that you wished youve done or didnt ..the person you thought u should've been then . well guess what? now u are meeting some one new who knows nothing about you and u can be whatever u want to be now .

how exciting this is !!! when you have problems letting go, that  doesnt mean that we are in love with that person SO MUCH that we cant leave them. it has nothing to do with love. letting go is about fear .. we are afraid of what will happen to us or to them after leaving .. fear will always haunt us and stop us from doing things . no one lets go of those who they love unless theyve reached misery ..
so whats the worse case scenario of letting go if you were there already ?
 it cant get any worse, can it ? then it can only get better.
you dont need to be strong to let go, u need to be daring.
 remember its a 50:50 chance of happiness vs misery when you let go
and if you are already miserable then u really got nothing to lose i guess
if you have hit rock bottom, you can only go up from there .

Be Daring,
and Let Go